WTF is Coaching, Anyway?
tl;dr - Just skip down to the bulleted list.
Life coach
Business coach
Money coach
Mindset coach
Transformational coach ...
Every time I turn around on the internet, I step in another puddle full of coaches. Then again, I am one, so I’m definitely frequenting coach-heavy watering holes.
For those of us who aren’t coaches (and even for many of us who are), I’ve put together a very easy, straightforward answer to the question that all my friends and family keep asking me: WTF is coaching?
To set the stage for you, I’d like to take a second to talk about my previous profession, Landscape Architecture.
In order to become a Landscape Architect, first you have to graduate from an accredited degree program, spend several years working under someone who’s already licensed, and then you need people vouch for you before passing a 14-hour exam. It’s a pretty rigorous process. But then again, Landscape Architects also work on roads and bridges and public parks, and you want to make sure they know what they’re doing. Without jumping through all these hoops, you can’t even call yourself one. You’ve got to call yourself a “designer", or whatever else you make up and put on your business card that’s sufficiently descriptive.
I share all that because the profession of Landscape Architecture has “Titling Laws”. Since these folks are holding the puppet strings of the health, safety, and welfare of the public, it’s a totally wise thing to have in place. You don’t want just anyone wandering in off the street and adding a 'rape alley' into one of your plaza designs. (I actually had a professor say once in a critique - What the hell is that? That’s completely inadequate! What happens at night?! People are just going to get attacked in there! I don’t care how cool it looks - you take that rape alley out of that design right now!!)
Anyhow, back to coaching… Coaching has no titling laws. Zero. Anyone can wake up in the morning, print up some business cards, and call themselves a coach - often without any real concept of what coaching really is. This is why there are so many titles and types of coaching. It’s why some “coaches" are actually teachers or consultants or just someone with life experience and a big vision. My guess is that it’s also why most “coaches” struggle in their businesses.
It’s like the Wild West out there!! How do we know who to hire? How do we know if they’ve been trained by real professionals? Woe is us! If only there were some governing body so that we could know what we're signing up for!
But wait!
There is!
It’s called the International Coach Federation, or the ICF for short.
The ICF is working to set the bar for the coaching profession. There are ethical standards, technical standards, skill standards, basically allllllll the standards. With these standards in hand, they accredit coach training programs, and they credential individuals who make the grade. While there can still be “life coaches,” “business coaches,” “executive coaches,” and a whole slew of other titles people call themselves, when they’re credentialed by the ICF, you know that they’re competent and professional coaches.
You can read the official ICF definition of coaching here (buried halfway down the page) but since I’m nice I’ll sum it up for you in a way that’s way more fun to read. You’ll notice that most of the “coaches” out there don’t actually meet these criteria.
1. A coach is not an expert on your life. You are.
What a coach is an expert in is active listening, powerful questioning, and holding a safe space for exploring what makes you tick. They won’t diagnose you or tell you how to fix all your problems.
2. A coach is not going to give you advice or tell you what to do.
Coaching isn’t consulting. But it is a place to stretch beyond what scares you and where you normally stop. A coach will challenge you. They’ll also get curious with you about what gets in your way, what’s predictable for how you do life, and offer fresh perspectives that are in your blind spots.
3. A coach relates to you as whole, already having the answers, and capable of anything.
When you work with a coach, it’s not about healing past emotional wounds or figuring out why you feel so broken (that would be therapy). When you work with a coach, the conversations are generally forward-facing, and your coach is expecting your brilliance and greatness. There’s space for you to show up brilliant and great. Think about that for a sec. Imagine you have a judge-y relative that you don’t get along with. They’re always waiting for you to screw something up. When you try to do something right it’s not good enough. Every time you do screw something up you start to wonder if maybe you actually really are just a screw-up loser who can’t do anything right. Now remember your favorite teacher in school. They probably loved you, saw your brilliance, and knew that you were totally capable of doing way better than you thought you could. You may have been surprised and delighted to discover when they were right. It’s kind of like that.
4. A coach is your partner in crime.
I’m using that phrase metaphorically. I’ve never heard of anyone who hired a coach to help them figure out how to go rob banks or puppy mills. But what I mean is that there’s no hierarchy. It’s more like a club. You get to practice wielding your power, deciding what you want to get out of a session or a month, and asking for what you need. Your coach dives in to your agenda, and helps you get to where you want to go, not the other way around.
5. A coach is like a magic mirror.
Your coach can see the big picture of what’s happening in your brain and in your life, and helps you to see it too. They reflect back the patterns that they see, inconsistencies, underlying fears, unnoticed possibilities, and perspectives that you can’t see when you look on your own. They help you get to why you’re really asking the question in the first place, and they help you step out of the drama and look down on it from a bird’s eye view.
6. A coach is a fairy godmother for your dreams. (Or fairy godfather? Is that a thing?)
Coaching adds power and velocity to the projects that you’re working on, even the ones that are secret dreams that you don’t tell anyone about. Maybe you’ve been dreaming of writing a book on the world’s most notorious ostriches. Or you’ve been dying to figure out how to have a healthy relationship with your partner. Or you always thought it would be cool to start keeping bees on the roof and create the most amazing honey business - but you get overwhelmed just thinking about it. Your coach will help you get clear on what you want, remind you that it’s actually possible in the first place, (even though you’ve got circumstances and excuses), and help you make a plan to get from here to there.
7. A coach helps you transform your life.
Repeat after me. Coaching is not just for losers. A lot of people hear the phrase “life coach” and mentally shut all the curtains and lock the front door. Coaching is not actually a thing you prescribe because a person can’t seem to do life. (What that person may need is therapy.) Coaching is a way to get the hell out of your own way so you can create a life that actually thrills you. No more settling. Permission to be freaking awesome. Promotions? Check. Adventures? Check. Fall in love with your bad self. Give your life’s trajectory a great big boost. That’s the power of coaching.
So there you have it. Coaching is complex, flexible, sometimes confronting, and can help you tap into your highest self and live your life from that place.
The truth is, no one needs a coach. And everyone could use one. Unless you’re actually 100% thrilled with life, the universe and everything. (In which case, rock on!)